Hip Surgery Gifts

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"My cardiologist taught me the value of heart work."

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'Non-alcohol beer, unsalted potato chips and tofu hot dogs? Why did you accept a party invitation from a cardiologist?'

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

Cardiologist/Truckdiologist: Medical help for Trucks.

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"Oh no! You, again?"

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'