Hip Replacement Gifts

'Hip replacement? He was never hip to begin with.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

Nobody warned Marge that a side effect of a hip replacement is feeling more hippy.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

"I've had a busy week. I had my hip and iPhone upgraded."

"I'm your hip replacement."

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'

"Maybe I needed a brain also! I left my heart in San Francisco!"

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

On board the MS Hepatology

"Oh no! You, again?"

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

Joint Replacement Specialist has 3 boxes on desk: "Hip", "Hip", "Hooray."

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'I have a very stressful job. The doctor said my condition was induced by job related stress. Luckily, the bypass surgery is one of my executive perks.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."