Hip Replacement Gifts

'Hip replacement? He was never hip to begin with.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

Nobody warned Marge that a side effect of a hip replacement is feeling more hippy.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

"I'm your hip replacement."

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

On board the MS Hepatology

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"Oh no! You, again?"

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

Joint Replacement Specialist has 3 boxes on desk: "Hip", "Hip", "Hooray."

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"I was told you didn't want a pacemaker fitted."

'I have a very stressful job. The doctor said my condition was induced by job related stress. Luckily, the bypass surgery is one of my executive perks.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'What luck! Just the prosthetist I was going to refer you to.'