Hip Surgery Recovery Gifts

'Moonbeam just had a hippie replacement.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

En garde!

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'