Recovery From Heart Surgery Gifts

'How's the new pacemaker.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

En garde!

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."