Recovery From Heart Surgery Gifts

'How's the new pacemaker.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

En garde!

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'