Hip Replacement Recovery Gifts

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'

Heaven and Hell

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Vlad the Inhaler

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

En garde!

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."