Hip Replacement Surgery Gifts

'Why did you have your hip replaced if it wasn't bothering me?'

"There's a factory recall on your hip and hairline."

'Clive has just had a hip replacement...unfortunately, they didn't tell him what they we're replacing it with.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

"Maybe I needed a brain also! I left my heart in San Francisco!"

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

On board the MS Hepatology

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

"Oh no! You, again?"

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

Nobody warned Marge that a side effect of a hip replacement is feeling more hippy.

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

"I've had a busy week. I had my hip and iPhone upgraded."

Joint Replacement Specialist has 3 boxes on desk: "Hip", "Hip", "Hooray."