Hip Replacement Surgery Gifts

'Why did you have your hip replaced if it wasn't bothering me?'

"There's a factory recall on your hip and hairline."

'Clive has just had a hip replacement...unfortunately, they didn't tell him what they we're replacing it with.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

'While doing the ' Hoxey-Pokey' I put my right hip in...I put my right hip out, and rhat's where it stayed!'

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

On board the MS Hepatology

"Oh no! You, again?"

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

'I guess I don't need to ask how your new hip is working out.'

Nobody warned Marge that a side effect of a hip replacement is feeling more hippy.

Joint Replacement Specialist has 3 boxes on desk: "Hip", "Hip", "Hooray."

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence.

'I have a very stressful job. The doctor said my condition was induced by job related stress. Luckily, the bypass surgery is one of my executive perks.'