Limb Replacement Gifts

'...Somebody called Bernard Matthews got the sponsorship deal.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

"Botox."

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'You do Botox?'

"When you're ready, I'm going to stand on my hind legs, and lick it better."

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Fumes from furniture

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

'Well, it WAS a pretty coffee table until Dave spilled coffee on it!'

"Oh no, Doris. . . not implants!"

"I am calling a meeting...I am calling it a waste of time."

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'This one's got a mahogany finish, easy to assemble and comes with a magical kingdom as standard.'

'I know we're all terrified of malpractice suits, Bob, but as plastic surgeons, I think we can do a little more than just 'style his hair and call it a day.''hair

Nobody warned Marge that a side effect of a hip replacement is feeling more hippy.

Botox sharpei

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

"But doctor...when I said I wanted to increase my breasts what I meant was..."

'After having the botox injections in my lips I can handle really hot coffee.'

At the office of Dr. Picasso, Plastic Surgeon

"All these years I put my nose to the grindstone. Now I need a nose job!"

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'