Surgeons Gifts

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

"Of course, it's a highly experimental procedure, but we're trying out new techniques from other disciplines all the time."

Surgeons consulting a text book.

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

'That's how much time your HMO allots for bypass surgery.'

'You'll be in a lot of pain after your operation.' - 'Okay.' - 'Side effects of the general anaesthetic can include vomiting, shivering, confusion, dizziness, headache...' - 'That's fine.' - '...and you'll need to fast for six hours before the operation.'

'Remember I said I wish I had more arms so I could get more things done? Well the doctor took care of that problem.'

"On reflection, I admit the hernia stitches were too tight."

Surgeon using a sewing kit.

'What the... there's the gold earring I lost when we did his triple bypass four years ago.'

If in doubt, you can now use the search tool at the top of the help window

"First of all, where and what is a prostrate?"

Your surgeon today has a handicap of 4.

Discount surgery: 'True, we do use a set of steak knives, but they're clean and very, very sharp.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

"That thing wasn't covered in my online medical degree program."

This guy has no heart! Why didn't someone tell me he's an insurance company lobbyist?

Scary surgery

'Lobster fork.'

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

'No need to worry - I'm a master butcher!'

'The doctor will see you now -- I can't promise that he'll talk to you, but he'll see you.'

"We lose a little dexterity, but we gain a lot of confidence."

"There's gotta be an easier way to get candy from a baby."

'You have a slice in your fairway, but you're out of the rough and doing about par.'

"Okay lets close up. Oooh wait...wishbone!"

'I like same day surgery. We were in and out of the hospital before they had a chance to bill you.'

"I don't doubt that there's a totally awesome DIY life hack for this, but right now, why don't we just go with a #7 scalpel?"

'Oh for heaven's sake, Jim... all he wants to do is perform a vasectomy on you.'

"Why did you pull the plug?! It was a burnt out bulb....that's all."

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

Eeenie Meenie Minnie Mo

'Your snowballs...they gotta come out.'

"You shoulda read the terms and conditions, it's the pig that gets the kidney."

'...when I said cut it out...I was referring to the flippant remarks.'