Surgeons Gifts

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

"Of course, it's a highly experimental procedure, but we're trying out new techniques from other disciplines all the time."

Surgeons consulting a text book.

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

'You'll be in a lot of pain after your operation.' - 'Okay.' - 'Side effects of the general anaesthetic can include vomiting, shivering, confusion, dizziness, headache...' - 'That's fine.' - '...and you'll need to fast for six hours before the operation.'

'Remember I said I wish I had more arms so I could get more things done? Well the doctor took care of that problem.'

"On reflection, I admit the hernia stitches were too tight."

Surgeon using a sewing kit.

If in doubt, you can now use the search tool at the top of the help window

"First of all, where and what is a prostrate?"

Your surgeon today has a handicap of 4.

Discount surgery: 'True, we do use a set of steak knives, but they're clean and very, very sharp.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

This guy has no heart! Why didn't someone tell me he's an insurance company lobbyist?

Scary surgery

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

'The doctor will see you now -- I can't promise that he'll talk to you, but he'll see you.'

'No need to worry - I'm a master butcher!'

"We lose a little dexterity, but we gain a lot of confidence."

"There's gotta be an easier way to get candy from a baby."

'Lobster fork.'

Eeenie Meenie Minnie Mo

"I don't doubt that there's a totally awesome DIY life hack for this, but right now, why don't we just go with a #7 scalpel?"

"Why did you pull the plug?! It was a burnt out bulb....that's all."

'Oh for heaven's sake, Jim... all he wants to do is perform a vasectomy on you.'

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

'I like same day surgery. We were in and out of the hospital before they had a chance to bill you.'

'You have a slice in your fairway, but you're out of the rough and doing about par.'

"Okay lets close up. Oooh wait...wishbone!"

Body Building

"Has anyone done their research online how to do this?"

"Well... the good news is we've dealt with your ingrowing toenail..!"

"Got my name down for a pioneering head transplant -- just waiting for the right head donor."

"You shoulda read the terms and conditions, it's the pig that gets the kidney."

"The operation was a complete success! Come back in ten days and we'll take the safety pins out."