Medical Procedures Gifts

'Perkins! The correct term for this operation is transplant. Not cut and paste!!'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'The MRI machine won't degrade my tattoos, will it?'

"When I said hair transplant I meant more than one."

'Don't worry. That questionnaire is a lot more intrusive than your surgery will be.'

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

'Spend all morning on a cryptorchidectomy...'

'Is it worth it? Do I really want to give all this up for a career in cardiac catheterization?'

'I'd like to pay the bill for my operation, please.'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"I hate needles!"

"Forceps, swab, scalpel, insurance forms."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"This will be a tricky operation."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

En garde!

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'