Hospital Procedures Gifts

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

"We found a problem with your bill. It's too low. But I'm confident we can get it into the unaffordabe range soon."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"When I said hair transplant I meant more than one."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

Celebration in operating theatre.

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

"I forgot to get a selfie during the procedure. Can we do it again?"

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."