Medical Procedure Gifts

MRSA Superbug fears - 'Good news darling! My operation has been cancelled.'

'If I get out of this alive, I'm going to get the both of us some therapy.'

'Must they play The Long and Winding Road right now?'

"We found a problem with your bill. It's too low. But I'm confident we can get it into the unaffordabe range soon."

'Sir! That alarm means the security tag is still on your new heart valve. I need to see your receipt.'

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

"You're soo last year.You'll need a hip replacement."

'If you don't want Google to make public your colonoscopy, check this box and your ass will be pixilated.'

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

"When you're done laughing, I'll explain how I got rear-ended driving to my colonoscopy."

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

"Time for your Colinoscopy."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'Have you something suitable for mt husband's endoscopy photo?'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

"I wan't my tubes tied."

"How do I know your vasectomy will be done by 11:00? Tee-time is at 11:15."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"