Medical Procedure Preparation Gifts

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

"When I said hair transplant I meant more than one."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

"I forgot to get a selfie during the procedure. Can we do it again?"

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Emma is very happy that the doctor will finally remove the growth on Daddy's nose but she's also a little sad to see it go...

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'And that's the simplest way to surgically remove a 'mole' from the patient!'

Fire Assembly Point

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'He's the most important man here - He writes the compliance procedures for the DEPARTMENT of Compliance!'

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

"Next time you want me to swallow a camera, just wrap it in bacon!"

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS,

"It's for his shakes."

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"The doctor's nurse's nurse practitioner will see you now."

"The stress test was waiting for me for hours."

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"Whoa...not so fast! First of all please tell me your address, your health insurance number, and spell your name for me, Mr. HelpI'mBleedingToDeath."

A scared man who is about to have surgery performed by a robot.

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS, 'For your hospital gown, do you prefer paper or plastic'

'Spend all morning on a cryptorchidectomy...'