Pre-op Preparation Gifts

"The doctor said, 'Nothing by Mouth' and now he has a pepperoni stuck up his nose."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Birthing Ball

Frankenstein's monster picking out his brain for the day.

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

Prepper Dog

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

Remain calm, we need to talk. We don't want to alarm you. Run for your life! Oh boy. The economic news is not good. It's apocalyptic. We both lived through the depression. More like barely survived. We're seeing parallels -- lack of government investment, no-tax policies ... Fire, disease, bad cellphone coverage ... You're enjoying this too much. you said I could. Spend cautiously, Rudy. Have a back-up plan. Sell your gadgets, buy canned goods. Oh boy.

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

Maternity Ward - Push Hard.

"But doctor...when I said I wanted to increase my breasts what I meant was..."

"Summer's coming. How does pre-med camp sound."

"...We said a natural birth, not a naturist birth!"

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"Always be prepared."

How to survive the coming crash.

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'You just lost points for so easily getting that Geeky 'Star Trek' reference.'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

She Had Enough To Drink.

Climate Change Contingency House

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS,