Childbirth Preparation Gifts

Please take a number...

Lamaze. I'm sorry, no, we' don't offer any "Gifted Fetus" programs.

Cry babies.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

Baby Hairstyles.

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

Maternity Ward

'Fellas, I have a bit of an emergency! My wife is in labor! Mind if we play through?'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

"Which one is yours?"

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

"Which one's yours?"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Open other end

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

Clown Delivering Babies.

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

Preparing for a new arrival

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

'Here's one I made earlier!'