Childbirth Preparation Pillows

Please take a number...

Cry babies.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

Baby Hairstyles.

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

Maternity Ward

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Which one is yours?"

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"Which one's yours?"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Open other end

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

Preparing for a new arrival

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'