Baby Prep Buff Pillows

'I'm sure it's a boy. Because every time I touch the TV remote, he kicks me.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"Which one's yours?"

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Preparing for a new arrival

Macho Vegetarian

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

Beware of teething baby.

She Had Enough To Drink.

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

"Is there anything I should avoid after childbirth?"

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'What sort of silly planning is this?...I've got fingernails but no teeth to chew them with.'

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'

Why it's called child-rearing.

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Get out of me!'

'Mom, I now know the biological reason we're pregnant for 9 months. It takes at least that long to get used to the idea of being a parent.'

101 Placenta Recipes

"Son, once your grandma wore these shoes. I wore them after her, and now I will give them to you because I think they fit your dresses perfectly."

"Mom does this for everyone's birthday, if you don't applaud, no dessert for a week."

Please take a number...

'Excuse me Madam!!'

Up the duff!

"The nursery is almost finished."

'Once they're born they immediately begin to depreciate.'