Baby Prep Buff Prints

'I'm sure it's a boy. Because every time I touch the TV remote, he kicks me.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"Which one's yours?"

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

Preparing for a new arrival

She never said "Da-da." She went right to "data."

Macho Vegetarian

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

Beware of teething baby.

She Had Enough To Drink.

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

'What sort of silly planning is this?...I've got fingernails but no teeth to chew them with.'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

"Is there anything I should avoid after childbirth?"

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'

"Son, once your grandma wore these shoes. I wore them after her, and now I will give them to you because I think they fit your dresses perfectly."

101 Placenta Recipes

"Mom does this for everyone's birthday, if you don't applaud, no dessert for a week."

Lamaze. I'm sorry, no, we' don't offer any "Gifted Fetus" programs.

'Mom, I now know the biological reason we're pregnant for 9 months. It takes at least that long to get used to the idea of being a parent.'

Why it's called child-rearing.

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Get out of me!'

Please take a number...

Baby World. Quick, honey, give me your hand - You can feel the wallet kicking!

"The nursery is almost finished."

Up the duff!

'Excuse me Madam!!'