Pre-operative Comedian Gifts

Nurse cautioning a patient

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

Tin Can Operation.

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

Surgery Instructions.

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."

'Say, please.'

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'