Pre-operative Comedian Pillows

Nurse cautioning a patient

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

Robot surgery.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Tin Can Operation.

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

Surgery Instructions.

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"That's a semi-private room for you. You caught his, and he caught yours."

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'