Pre-op Humor Appreciator Pillows

Nil Insolence By Mouth

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

"I stand corrected."

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

"It's inoperable and perennial."

Healthy Eating Casualties

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

Great Moments in Art History: 1898 Francis Barraud finds inspiration after having his dog spayed.

'Say, please.'

"Just think of all the cigarettes I could have smoked."

"When they develop their own gravitational field it's a clear warning sign of getting type 2 diabetes."

Hospital gown pageant.

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

"Sorry for the wait - I hope it wasn't too long."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"You have what we are going to call Klitson's Disease, Mr. Klitson."

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

"It's butterflies. In your stomach. I think you're in love."

ER, The Musical: 'I'm a medic...' 'n' I'm a medic...' 'They're a paramedics!'

'See - the problem is with the left side of the right brain and the right side of the left brain.'

'Could you turn up the volume a little?'

'Regular doctors aren't so bad, but never turn your back on a proctologist.'

'Hey doctor, how come I'm totally alone in this section?'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."