Comedy Surgeon Gifts

'It's a routine operation.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Current location

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'You've got lot toe!'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

Pinocchio has a nose job.

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Quick! 5-second rule!

Plastic surgery is a scream.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'I can't turn it off.'

"Did you get some work done?"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

Nil By Ear

Sword rises, Excalibur like, from body of patient undergoing operation.

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

'And now, this warning from the Surgeon-General... THINK FAST!'

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?