Comedy Surgeon Gifts

'It's a routine operation.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Current location

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

'You've got lot toe!'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

'Good help is hard to find, so I decided to clone myself.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

"Did you get some work done?"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

'I can't turn it off.'

Casino plastic surgery...specializing poker faces.

Nil By Ear

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

'And now, this warning from the Surgeon-General... THINK FAST!'