Pre-op Preparation Pillows

"The doctor said, 'Nothing by Mouth' and now he has a pepperoni stuck up his nose."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

Birthing Ball

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Prepper Dog

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

Frankenstein's monster picking out his brain for the day.

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

Maternity Ward - Push Hard.

"But doctor...when I said I wanted to increase my breasts what I meant was..."

"...We said a natural birth, not a naturist birth!"

"Summer's coming. How does pre-med camp sound."

She Had Enough To Drink.

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"Always be prepared."

Climate Change Contingency House

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS,

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."