Undergoing Surgery Pillows

'Did sombody say, McBypass'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

'I'll be removing your appendix and Dr. Otto will assist in removing a portion of your disposable income.'

"It's not our policy to disclose details of a future operation."

'Now that my wife has had laser eye surgery, she's insisting we move to someplace with a better view.'

A 'Good Luck' horseshoe hangs over the hospital operating room

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

"Normally, I wouldn't care if some guy hated my guts...but he's my surgeon!"

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

Stomach Bypass Surgery

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Another stomach successfully stapled.

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

Try and relax!

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

Cards for All Occasions. Wedding Get-Well Grads Sympathy Congrats Friendship. It's for a friend who's having an operation and it's going to be covered by his HMO. Would that be "Get Well" or "Congratulations"?

The bad news is, you need a new heart. The good news is, you have lots of options. Be mine. Kiss me. Love U. 2 Cute.

"Truthfully, we don't know if he's going to rock on."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'