Hospital Operations Gifts

'Clamp.' - 'So, staff shortages are getting serious.'

Hospital - "Do you have an appointment."

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over and over and over.

"What do you mean? That's enough for today!"

"This time, Joe passes the gas, Sue cuts, Bob retracts and I grab the appendix... wait, better play... I pass the gas, Sue cuts, Lynne holds retractors, Bob grabs the appendix... wait........"

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"You're on standby if Mr. Benny's insurance company doesn't give us a last-minute approval."

"You should start to feel better once we find a place for this old medical equipment."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Virtual Doctor

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'I know it's overdue but I've been in Intensive Care.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

Doctors Discussion

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'