Health Operation Gifts

"Since the operation, the slightest thing sets him off."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"What should we do with this extra part?"

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

Sign on Secret Service door: Could be out to lunch.

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

'Don't give me that junk! — We spies don't either have to stick together!'

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

Bureau of Missing Persons

Helicopter

"Oh no! You, again?"

Coastguard

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'Now that's what I call a rescue dog.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'