Health Operation Gifts

"Since the operation, the slightest thing sets him off."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

"Maybe I needed a brain also! I left my heart in San Francisco!"

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

The grim reaper racing a lifeboat to reach a drowning man

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

"What should we do with this extra part?"

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'What do you mean, you've had a change of heart?'

Sign on Secret Service door: Could be out to lunch.

'Don't give me that junk! — We spies don't either have to stick together!'

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Bureau of Missing Persons

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

Helicopter

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

"Oh no! You, again?"

Coastguard

'Talk about high tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'Now that's what I call a rescue dog.'