Awaiting Surgery Gifts

"Due to cuts in the procurement budget we'll have to delay your operation until we get a hit online for your new hip!"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Late BroomStick

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

Waiting for Pants

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

'You'll be awake during the entire procedure...but no peeking!'

'Just another couple of pages.'

'Will the surgery leave a scar?'

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

'Just remember, you're not alone - I'm scared to death, too.'

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

The interminable!

Anatomy.

'At this rate nine months is going to take forever.'

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

He really puts his heart into it!

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."