Awaiting Treatment Gifts

'I'm not a visitor - just next in line for that bed when you've done with it.'

Late BroomStick

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

Waiting for Pants

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

Emotional Support Pest

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

Flo discovered that one of the perks of cancer was that even reluctant friends were willing to give her foot massages,

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

Seeing the marriage counselor.

The interminable!

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

'At this rate nine months is going to take forever.'

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

Flo discovered that one perk of cancer is that people treat her like a queen.