Patient Waiting Gifts

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

Late BroomStick

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

Waiting for Pants

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'Bored?'

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

Medical Center.

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'I hope it's fixed soon. I miss the convenience and friendly beep.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"The doctor says Tia Carmen is resting now...he's encouraging all family visitors to go home. We'll see you back here tomorrow."

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

The interminable!

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

'At this rate nine months is going to take forever.'

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

'I'll take #1.'

"Two minutes, 40 seconds. Next ... Two minutes, 53 seconds. Next ..."

'Tell the doctor I'll be with him in another page and a half.'

A feast in a hospital bed.

"The lines are a bit slow today...so here's something to help pass the time!"

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."