Patient Gifts

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

'When I pay for a Second opinion, I expect it to be different!'

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'You should consult my Doctor. You'll never live to regret it.'

'Please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

'You're just fine. The prescription is for me!'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

A feast in a hospital bed.

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

"You are the salt of the earth, Richards, and your hypertension medication is costing our insurance plan a fortune."

"It's used to put down horses, but in small doses it's very relaxing."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

Sven behaving badly - "That's a nasty skvint. I'm gonna haf to sterilise you."

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

'... I pull the trigger, and band! Down goes the pill. So, Mr. Knox, are you going to take your medication now, or do I have to resort to the Pill-Matic?'

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

'Just in case, I want you to shorten your Bucket List down to just one thing that you can do in this room.'

'I think we'll get a third opinion. My computer and I disagree.'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

'My insurance company says I have to get three estimates.'

Costing Money.

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

You'll see the food is excellent, but the service is far too slow....

'Bored?'

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."