Patient King Gifts

"Finally!"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

The Goalkeeper

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'Bored?'

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

Please Wait and wait and wait.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"Are you going to move?"

A feast in a hospital bed.

'It's the paperwork you need to fill out to show that we're focussing on patients needs.'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupuncture needles should go?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

"...The sun sank slowly in the west. Time slowed down to a crawl, and there was no reason to hurry. The tortoise knew he had time to kill. Haste makes waste, he thought..."

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

'Fashion Victim.'

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Chess players covered in cobwebs

"Been waiting long?"

'My earthly body is still in the doctor's waiting room.'

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'