Patient King T-Shirts

"Finally!"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

The Goalkeeper

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'Bored?'

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

Please Wait and wait and wait.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

"Are you going to move?"

A feast in a hospital bed.

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

'It's the paperwork you need to fill out to show that we're focussing on patients needs.'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupuncture needles should go?"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

I stood in line for an hour only to find out there's a height requirement. You must be this tall. Waits and measures!

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

"...The sun sank slowly in the west. Time slowed down to a crawl, and there was no reason to hurry. The tortoise knew he had time to kill. Haste makes waste, he thought..."

'Fashion Victim.'

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Chess players covered in cobwebs

'...mix porridge oats, butter, and golden syrup...Rurghh!...then bake for fifteen minutes'?! Oh well, maybe next lifetime, Delia...'

"Been waiting long?"