Patient Person Gifts

Long queue.

'Bored?'

'You'll get wet. Why don't you use your new umbrella?'

"You might as well wait inside. She's still grooming."

"Thank you for remaining on the line so long. All our agents are apparently a lot busier than you are."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'I'm going to be a little late.'

Please Wait and wait and wait.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

'Of course, they're healthy - they listen to me far better than my patients do.'

"Are you going to move?"

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

A feast in a hospital bed.

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

"Back here in 30 minutes?"

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

"Trust me, this place is worth the wait."

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"