Medical Patient Gifts

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

A midwife holding a baby

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Keyworker

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Physician tending a mummy.

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Surgery up here is free!"