Patient Line Waiter Gifts

Hey, little buddy. How's it going in there? You fall in? Occupied! I know it's occupied, little buddy. We all know. It's been occupied for 30 minutes. There's a long line out here. I said "occupied!" When a person says "occupied" from in here, that's supposed to buy another 10 minutes at least. "Occupied" is not a magic word, little buddy. Inhabited! That neither. We're all still here.

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'A cheeky red?'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Diner.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Do you have any catsup?'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).