Patient Line Waiter Pillows

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Diner.

'Your French dip, sir.'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'A cheeky red?'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'Do you have any catsup?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"