Waiters Pillows

"Who ordered the Manhattan?"

"Your meal will be out shortly. The salmon was a little wilder than we anticipated."

"Sorry for the wait, but it's been like Grand Central station in here."

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"Careful, the plate is hot."

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but we're completely out of chum... Perhaps I can interest you in that busboy instead...'

"Yes, sir, there's a fly in your soup... There's a fly in everybody's soup!"

'Three trout dinners. Raw.'

"Overpriced to astronomical, sir."

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

'I'll just have whatever he doesn't notice.'

'You want a pizza with everything? -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that?

'We're not really vegetarians, but we would like something that died of natural causes.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'And just what makes you think you qualify for the businessman's lunch?'

'New scratch n' sniff menu for the literacy challenged.'

"That filet is for ladies."

Frog: 'Soup of the day, with extra flies please!'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"

"No, I'm sorry sir, we don't do a nudist's lunch but the dressed crab is very good."

"Waiter, there's a fly in my chicken soup."

Excess Baggage: People who are lousy tippers should be sent to restaurant hell when they die.

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"No, I'm sorry, acorns are off."

"Excellent...but how's the hangover?"

"You may have a so-called 'doggie bag,' but there's a $5 sharing surcharge."

"I need 3 orders of chicken wings. One, too Hot, one, too Cold and one, Just Right."

"Would you like finicky or non-finicky?"

All You Can Eat

"Great. We're dying to get rid of that."

"How many in your party?" Man with reservation book to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at restaurant.