Wait Staff Pillows

"Hello. My name is Maury, and I'm going to be your crazy person today."

"Your meal will be out shortly. The salmon was a little wilder than we anticipated."

Lunch at P.J. Puberty's

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"Look, Baldo, there's no shame in forgetting your mother tongue."

"In today's global economy...maybe you should learn to speak-a-lay la Espanola."

"Give me the menus—you've kept the chef in suspense long enough."

"I'd like the Parmesan grated, if you don't mind."

"Well, I wouldn't eat any of it."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

Diner.

'A cheeky red?'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'