Patient Diner Pillows

Restaurant customer waiting to be seated dies of hunger.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Church Basement Foodie

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Diner

'How is the water prepared?'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

Zagat Rated.

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"A votre sante!"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"Just a drop."