Line Waiters Club Gifts

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Diner.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'No ice.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'