Line Waiters Club T-Shirts

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Diner.

'A cheeky red?'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

Champagne

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'No ice.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'