Laughing Through Surgery Gifts

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

Pinocchio has a nose job.

The New Age Dentist.

Great Moments in Art History: 1898 Francis Barraud finds inspiration after having his dog spayed.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I have a complaint about my bill."

"Which is it today doctor, - Back, Beatles, or Backstreet Boys?"

"He did it again. Slipped out and replaced himself with a bunch of lumpy pillows."

"People make a fuss about qualifications but with a bit of common sense anyone can do what these medical types do!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"Well I'm out of ideas, here, anyone else want to give this a stab?"

"Oops – I think that was a tan line."

Operating Room Table Scraps

'What are you in for?'

"My husband's a surgeon, he can't let go of his work."

"He's counted backwards by fives, he's named all fifty states plus their capitals. I'm telling you, the tank's out of anesthesia."

Surgical mittens, an idea whose time has not come.

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'So you want two opposable thumbs so you can open your own dogfood?'

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

"For goodness sake, lick the thread!"

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

'I have a complaint about my bill.'

"The amputation went well Mr Jones, but we have one slight hiccup."