Medical Procedure Recovery Pillows

"I forgot to get a selfie during the procedure. Can we do it again?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Barbeque Casualty.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Hey, I got you a beautiful orchid to cheer you up until it turns into just a stick protruding from dirt."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

En garde!