Amputee Pillows

The Grim Reaper

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

The incomplete Angler

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

'Malpractice? No - it's not our dog.'

"Tonight Mathew, I'm going to be, Charlotte Church"

"I think your problem is heartbeat-from-mouth syndrome."

"Dangerous? Nah, I could count on one hand the number of times he's bitten me."

"He fought like hell."

Nurse cautioning a patient

'He's been a perfect jewel, ever since I knocked the stuffing out of him.'

"Your homocysteine chapel levels are right off the charts."

'Jack?! Long time no see! Gimme a high five!'

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

"I'm hurt too bad...I can't hold on any longer!"

Farm Humor.

"How did it go? Read my blog."

"During the holidays, we like to refer to organ donation as 'regifting.'"

'Let me explain what i mean about a 'Stool Sample' Mr.Hattnel.'

More holiday ICD-10 codes you may encounter...

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"As for the helium treatments. . . things are lookin' up."

CLINIC, 'Good news - Those tiny voices I've been hearing are from my pacemaker.'

'Mind if I cut in?'

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

"Your condition is serious, Mr. Reynolds, but fortunately I recently scored some excellent weed that should alleviate your symptoms."

Clinic for those with one leg - Wipe your foot.

'Go figure, somebody uses my foot as a lucky charm: I don't feel lucky myself...'

'Okay, Pete - same time next year?'