Amateur Philosopher Gifts

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'If you bark your head off all night in a forest and no one hears you, are you still a bad dog?'

"I really like your parents. They go out a lot."

Men discussing tactics of getting a drink from the bar

'What makes you think anything you have to say is worth repeating?'

'You have to wonder sometimes: What do you think he does with all our milk?'

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

"Who do you suppose came first - us or those things?"

'I just don't know what all you men see in her...'

Humans...What is their purpose?

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Feel free to take notes."

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"Dad, please tell me again about that mass production and consumerism."

"Could I ask just one question?"

'The Questioner'

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

Pastorius wonders why.

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"