Alternative Healing Explorer Gifts

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Self help acupuncture

Hot Pie Therapy

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."

'He touched you and you can walk again? I just got an illegible prescription.'

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

'I can't wait for a generic version of eyes of newts to come out.'

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

Fakir Shrink.

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

"It's just that you might find food a lot cheaper!"

'How optimistic are you about the future?'

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Well Doctor, I thought if a placebo works, this might as well..."

'Laughter is not always the best medicine, Mr. Jonic.'

Chicken soup is in an intravenous drip.

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

Advertisements for 'Brother Marsh- faith healer and Deacon 'Speed' Alton- emergency room'.

Itchy Bum? WD-3000.

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

"This is just a placebo cast, but it makes a lot of people feel better."

'I believe one of the doctors here practices alternative medicine.'

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"

"For our session today, I'd like to try something a little different."

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

"So, where'd you learn acupuncture, Doc?"

'I don't suppose there's any chance of a 'professional discount'?'