Alternative Healer Gifts

'Generaly I treat fever and chills, but if it's something like pneumonia, I bring in a specialist.'e

"I had a terrible time finding a doctor that still makes house calls!"

'If his mask scared you, just wit 'till you get his bill.'

"You might as well go see some crazy old lady who treats you with herbs and tree branches!"

"Does that mean the very expensive healing stone, licked by a unicorn at full moon, didn't help at all?!"

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Self help acupuncture

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

New Age Store.

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

"I'm putting you on country music."

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'We can try to fit it with an artificial limb.'

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.