Alternative Health Practitioner Gifts

Gone For Acupuncture

Grandma the Witch

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Self help acupuncture

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

New Age Store.

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

'Who would have thought there was a market for it? We're going to be rich George!...'

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

Alternative Medicine.

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 chocolate truffles in the evening should cure your broken heart.'

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

'This wasn't quite what I had in mind when you suggested 'alternative medicine''