Alternative Medicine Advocate Gifts

'We can do extensive blood work, take x-rays, check your prostate. . .or I could sell you some great weed for $50.'

Hippy fighting off medicine.

"The doctor says your injury is not serious...we're going home."

"My joints... are almost done"

'It appears to be a side effect of those herbal eye drops you've been using.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

New Age Store.

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

Acupuncture clinic

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

Alternative Medicine.

"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'I can't wait for a generic version of eyes of newts to come out.'