Alternative Wellness Explorer Gifts

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Self help acupuncture

Hot Pie Therapy

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

Odd Spas

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

Lactose intolerance.

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."

Flo figured that since she was using medical marijuana during chemo, she might as well go hippy retro.

'I can't wait for a generic version of eyes of newts to come out.'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

'How is the detox going?'

"It's just that you might find food a lot cheaper!"

'And just where did you study medicine?'

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

"Well Doctor, I thought if a placebo works, this might as well..."

Clearly, you've been burning the candle at both ends, Mr. Fusco. You have the wick of a man twice your age.

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Itchy Bum? WD-3000.

"This is just a placebo cast, but it makes a lot of people feel better."

'Laughter is not always the best medicine, Mr. Jonic.'

'I believe one of the doctors here practices alternative medicine.'

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"

Why aren't you wearing a collar and on a leash? I don't mean to sit in judgment of alternative lifestyles, but personally, I find that a little bit kinky.

"My veganism begins and ends with eating insects."

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

"For our session today, I'd like to try something a little different."