Alternative Wellness Warrior Gifts

"How did the acupuncture session go, Sebastian?"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Hot Pie Therapy

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Exercising

"I told him he should have trained more."

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

"Can I still do my pilates?"

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'What are you eating now?'

Burnout Syndrome...

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.